Maybe the biggest lie I ever heard growing up was the old adage, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt!” Since it dates back to at least the 1800s, I can only assume it was created by a heartbroken parent trying to console a child who had been ridiculed, and I know that when my grandmother first told it to me, she was trying to ease my pain when someone taunted me. It’s a nice idea--to think that words don’t hurt. Sure, there is no physical pain, but words can cause scars--the kind that don’t fade with time.
Emotional scars can be far more biting than physical ones. Over time, physical scars may even began to fade, and eventually they may no longer even be visible. The realization that emotional scars are always invisible is quite scary. If you see a gash across someone’s arm or face, you know they’ve endured some form of trauma, and you act accordingly. With emotional scars, you are never aware of the silent pain that someone else endures, and because of that, you may not watch your words. You may not even care, and your words may add even more weight on the shoulders of the person carrying that burden.
People, our words are powerful. They have the power to lift up and encourage. They have the power to show love, but they also have the power to tear down and demean. They have the power to ruin someone’s day, and sometimes those days become weeks or years, and sometimes people NEVER get over them. In fact, according to Proverbs 18:21, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat their fruits.” Reread that. Death and life! This problem has existed forever!
Another issue with being cruel with your words is that your words about others have the power to change you. Proverbs 11:17 states that, “Your own soul is nourished when you are kind, but you destroy yourself when you are cruel.” That’s pretty profound. By being cruel, you are extinguishing the happiness within. You are destroying relationships and possibilities--and inevitably yourself.
Now, I won’t say that I never say inappropriate things. I am very inappropriate--lots. I also won’t say I’ve never spoke badly about someone. I have. I know I shouldn’t have, and I usually regret it. I will say though that I’m trying to be better in that department. I know exactly how severely words can hurt, and--unfortunately--my teenage daughter is now learning as well. That’s what brought this topic to mind.
I remember the hurt I experienced at her age. People didn’t get me. Heck, they still don’t, and it was hard for me to make friends. Fortunately, I’m learned to embrace my inner weirdo, and the people in my life now are far superior to all those I so desired to accept me. Yet, I hurt more for her. When I hear her repeat the words that were said to her or about her, I can clearly see those who tormented me, and I remember how I felt. It is a pain I never wanted her to experience.
So, people, I know it’s hard for us all, but before you speak to someone or about them, stop for a second and think. Is this really necessary? Am I going to improve their quality of life by telling them this? If not, bite your tongue. Also...teach your kids this. Words can kill.
